Randomoddity - Where No Pencil Had Gone Before

oh no slide to fifth take a load off of him cause she and him like to tie underwater knots when the sun basks lightly against the sands of existence

If I were a Network Executive I would spend every last cent in the bank to produce Picket Fences: The Animated Series. Come on; imagine a cartoon Tom Sizemore, now that's intimidating. I thought about a Life Goes On: The Cartoon, but Special Ed people just aren't fun in the animated world, probably because all cartoon characters rode the short bus at some point in their lives, so there's nothing "special" about "special" people. Multiple connotations rock!

I’m unable to comprehend song lyrics. I'm constantly rewinding tunes so I can listen to the lyrical meaning behind the song. Then when it's almost over I realize that I wasn't listening, so I go back to the beginning again, and again. Five hours later I finally figure out the song's lyrics, probably cause I cheated and went online and looked them up. Honestly, you need to listen to lyrics; there are more to songs than you think. That's why I removed Cyndi Lauper's "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" from my “Top 19 Songs That Make Me Wet” because it turns out the chart topping hit is not about pom poms and having crushes on boys, instead it's an ode to spoiled milk and a critical analysis of the origins of Buddhism. Not exactly the feel good pseudo gay vibe I was originally feeling.

Many people don't know this, but Woody Woodpecker is actually a quarter Cardinal. Apparently in the migration of '76, his paternal grandmother woodpecker made it with a smooth chirping Cardinal. Her infidelity was kept hidden until late 2001 when the sneaky Woody discovered her online journal password and read her private entries thus realizing that the woodpecker he had known as Granddaddy, did not pour anything into Woody's gene pool. Woody, being one of the most respected animated animals in the industry actually removed the Woodpecker name when he went on a standup run in the Midwest in early 2002. However, his agent forced him to add back the Woodpecker when an irate audience in Wichita nearly burned off all of "Woody's" feathers when they realized it was the witty trouble-making bird performing instead of that wacky farm boy in Cheers turned white boy who couldn't jump known as Woody Harrelson. Unfortunately, Mr. Woodpecker's career has remained stagnate since, except for Thanksgiving when Macy's pulls out the over-sized Woody Woodpecker balloon.

I’m hoping one day The Learning Channel airs a documentary of the history of seesaws, or playgrounds in general.

All Child Molesters should be permanently placed in ridiculously corny mascot outfits. This way, these sons of bitches still receive the childish contact they crave, but they are unable to seize the moment, or the little kid’s wanker when they’re inside a furry rabbit costume with paws the size of a bookbag. At least the kids get to see more of their favorite cartoon heroes walking around and parents know how to keep their children safe by never inviting a costume character to dinner.

I once made-out with a can of sprite.

I also went on a walk with a life-size strawberry smoothie. Though it was potentially a delicious experience, it led me on.

That bag of chips had a deathwish when it jumped off the unreachable shelf into the clutches of the fatass unsupervised children.

To better reach the domestic woman, Victoria’s Secret is launching a new line of perfumes, lingerie, and sexy items for stay at home Moms. While, I view this as an aggressive business mood, there is no way I’m going to hump a woman wearing salad dressing scented perfume. That’s just nasty. I’d rather drill a hole in a head of lettuce and go to town.

What exactly is the significance of a flag? It’s a uniquely colored gigantic piece of cloth? How is that the one materialistic item that represents a people? I feel that nations should abandon this whole flag phenomenon and instead wear patriotic underwear instead.